So. Last Wednesday was May 4th. As you know, May 4th has become internet famous as "Star Wars Day". Because 'May The Fourth Be With You' and all that. Anyway, I find myself with a lot of free time on my hands so I decided to do something crazy.
I decided to watch all EIGHT (yes eight, we'll come back to that) Star Wars movies, in narrative
chronological order.
In one day.
Ending the final film before midnight.
Yeah. I'm crazy. I had to start at 5:30 in the morning and the movies ran until after 11:00pm. I have
the Complete Star Wars Saga Blu Ray collection, and I bought Episode VII The Force Awakens on the day it came out (Blu Ray, natch.) That's seven movies. Number eight is the 2008 CGI extravaganza Star Wars: The Clone Wars which, canonically, takes place between Episode II and Episode III.
I did not own The Clone Wars so major shout out to my best WeeBigJobLass buddy Lady Wyn for
giving me a DVD copy of it!
So. All eight movies are lined up. My alarm is set for oh-dark-thirty. My blue ray player and HDTV
are ready. And my surround sound system is good to go. Let's. Do. This.
But I decided, at the last minute, to make it EVEN HARDER on myself. I decided to LIVE TWEET
THE ENTIRE MARATHON.
Because I am a crazy person, you see.
And so I did. I Stream-of-consciousness tweeted my Star Wars thoughts ALL DAY while watching
eight full films in a row. Using the hashtags #StarWarsDay #MayThe4thBeWithYou and
#StarWarsMarathon.
It was over 500 tweets.
But something kinda cool happened. My tweets, when read again, seemed to form a coherent line of
thought about Star Wars as a franchise. So I PAINSTAKINGLY collected every tweet from the
marathon and have reprinted them here (with a few notes on where I am in the saga at certain moments,also some spelling/grammar errors were corrected) as an essay on Star Wars.
- The Where-I-Am-In-the-Film parts I am periodically inserting will be denoted by italics like this line.
Oh yeah, two last things. One – Spoiler Warning. I am going to spoil the plot of every Star Wars film
to date in here, so read at your own risk. Two – I am assuming a passing familiarity with the plot of
each film. So my italicized reference points are going to be light on detail and context.
So here it is. My thoughts, musings, quips, and rants on all of Star Wars. Enjoy.
- - - - -
And So It Begins. May The Fourth Be With You
Getting this one out of the way early. Say what you want, but I may be one of the ONLY people who
LIKES the prequels.
- Episode I The Phantom Menace begins with the iconic musical sting over the title card.
That music still gets to me! I'm standing in my den conducting an imaginary orchestra.
God the scenery in these movies is beautiful! #BluRay #HDMI #FivePointOneSurroundSound
- By now, Kenobi and Qui-Gon have landed on Naboo, run across Jar Jar Binks and are headed for
the underwater city.
Obvious racial insensitivity aside, Jar Jar Binks IS kinda funny. But I have questions.
Is the Gungan elder a different species from Jar Jar? Because WHERE ARE HIS EARS?
Gungans have VERY pronounced ears that hang very low. But their king has nothing
Judging by the reaction, Liam Neeson just used "Force Inebriation" on Jar Jar.
I keep trying to find a "particular set of skills" joke, but who need's em? Lightsaber!
- Now our heroes are on Tatooine.
So wait, does Tanaka know about Padme-in-disguise, but send Padme into danger anyway?
I like how twitter gives me 88 characters after I paste the hashtags. Foreshadowing!
Anakin might have been conceived by The Force, does that explain his emotionless voice?
- The Podracing scene begins.
The sound design in the podrace scene is MAGNIFICENT! Especially the start up montage!
Wait. Right after skywalker stalls out, is that Willow in the crowd?
It IS! That's Warwick Davis (of Willow & Jedi fame) right there
- Now on Coruscant, at the Jedi Temple.
Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, Hate leads to Suffering. Yoda is so awesome!
EP1 - "Midichlorians are---" EP7 - "You shut the fuck up!" EP1 - "eep"
- Back on Naboo for the final battle.
So, the Gungans plan to raise a shield and... What exactly?
The Naboo starfighter was so freaking awesome in Rogue Squadron N64
Back to the gungans. Standing around behind a shield doing nothing
Is that the same helmet Anakin wore in the podrace? Where was he hiding it?
You know, that internet theory of Jar Jar being a secret sith lord is looking plausible.
The Gungan army has mastered the Monty Python school of war. RUN AWAY! (+ slapstick)
- The death of Qui-Gon Jinn.
Aaaand there goes Qui-Gon... You could say he was TAKEN before his time, eh? I'm sorry
GodDAMN the lightsaber choreography is so awesome in these movies.
Lightsaber choreography in the prequels is objectively better than the original trilogy.
"WOO I accidentally blew up a space station & murdered hundreds of people! YEAH!"
And they were SURPRISED that he became Darth Vader?
- The final scenes of Episode I.
Let's talk about this prophecy thing. "He will bring balance to the force."
Anakin DID bring balance. After the prequels there were exactly two sith and two jedi.
Balance isn't "heavily tilted towards the light" How could the Jedi think different?
That's what balance MEANS. Equilibrium. Not favoring one side or the other
Okay, episode one over! Moving on to Star Wars - Episode II - Attack Of The Clones
I have to thank the people who gave me this Star Wars Complete Saga Blu Ray set.
Thanks Pam and John (my former in-laws) You guys are still kind of awesome
WOOP! On to Episode 2! God, I love Star Wars!
That orchestral sting STILL gets me. And I JUST heard it!
So amidala's ship looks awesome. Like a big silver manta ray.
The bomb was OBVIOUSLY planted on the ship. Why did they wait for landing to blow it?
It's been several years in movie time, right? Why is Palpatine the only one who ages?
Except Anakin, of course. He hit puberty so hard he became a whole different person!
Obi wan looks much better with a beard and actual hair. A LOT more like Alec Guinness.
I'm sorry. SIR Alec Guinness. Not being sarcastic, The man deserves the title.
- The second attempt on Senator Amidalas Life, the millipedes, leading to the flying speeder chase.
Those millipedes are CREEPY! I sat on my feet in the theater for a while after this.
Apparently "Poo-doo" is huttese for "Shit" Makes sense,
EP2 might be my favorite of the prequels.
Okay, stepping away from twitter to eat & such. Rest assured I will continue the movie!
So Anakin is kind of a creeper, right? Inappropriate staring and suggestive comments.
If they are traveling incognito, why is Padme still wearing a damn crown?
D'AWWWW BABBY JEDIS!
Apparently this new Naboo queen is allowed to actually express her emotions.
So, what evolutionary advantage gave the Kaminoans Galaxy-shaped Pupils?
And here we are at the COMPLETELY BELIEVABLE "falling in love" montage.
Sorry, I must have sneezed or something, I meant TOTALLY FORCED montage
Aggressive Negotiations - Negotiations with a lightsaber. Clever dialogue is clever.
Natalie Portman is a beautiful woman. Let there be no doubt about that.
- Obi Wan makes contact from Kamino.
Scramble code five to Coruscant care of the old folk's home? Dafuq?
"Agnes, some Jedi is tryin-a get through to coruscant." "Is it gonna interrupt matlock?"
Jango Fett vs Obi Wan is an awesome fight. But the ensuing space battle is better
Seismic Charges. In Space. Okay then
Then again, they do explode with a guitar power chord so that's kind of awesome!
The kid playing Boba Fett is a much better actor than the kid who played young Anakin.
Jango Fett - So awesome he defeats his enemies with the power of ROCK AND ROLL!
- Anakin and Padme are now back on Tatooine.
Ah the shadow scene. I heard that Anakins' shadow looking like vader was a coincidence
Anakin slaughters sand people. Then again, if they took MY mom I would do the same!
So wait, Obi Wans' broken transmitter can scan an ENTIRE planet from light years away?
Anakin looks menacing carrying Shmi's body. Too bad its followed by the "Sand" speech.
Who are the other graves next to Shmi? There's even a kid sized one. That's p. creepy.
Padme's white outfit totally shows off her. Um... Bravery Yes. Both of her braveries.
- The senate scene. With jar Jar proposing emergency powers for Palpatine.
Aaaand Jar Jar just brought about the Empire. Darth Binks is making more and more sense
After all the mistakes the Prequels made, I’m still more upset about EP7 ditching the EU
- Now on Geonosa.
The whole smelting factory scene is less about awesome action, and more about slapstick
The arena scene is still awesome. Especially Padme pimp-slapping the tiger with a chain
Why did they have to ruin the awesome Jedi v Droid army scene with Threepio slapstick?
Bye jango, you tried to take on Samuel L. Jackson in a fight. Of course you lost.
Enter The Clones. it's a Yoda-Ex Machina. So awesome!
The droids have artillery that is basically two giant wheels and a shit ton of missiles
The vehicle and ship designs in these movies are so creative. I am truly impressed.
We all know how it ends and I still root for Anakin when he struggles to check his anger
"My lightsaber is bent & impractical as hell but I'm still kicking your ass." - Dooku
"Precisely dick, you're force lightning means" - Yoda
Damn I love that Muppet!
Dooku's ship, like his lightsaber, is incredibly impractical. But I still want one
And so EP2 comes to a close. With the haunting Imperial March over the army of troopers
Admit it, when you heard that musical sting and saw the clone troops, you got excited.
Up next: Star Wars - The Clone Wars. The prequel nobody remembers but was actually great
Not in the Blu Ray set. Clone Wars was so good it spawned two successful TV series'
Of course, the movie is CGI, & changed up the iconic opening score. But it's still good
Star Wars: The Clone Wars - What happens when someone besides Lucas writes the dialogue
So apparently my opinion of Clone Wars is in the minority. Whatever, I still like it!
- Obi Wan and Anakin are fighting the droid army in a city.
See Gungans? This is how you use a shield, you ADVANCE under it, not wait for an attack
Ahsoka Tano wields her lightsaber in a downward grip. that's kind of awesome.
Ah Jabba's Palace, lovingly recreated in CGI. Complete with naked Twi lek Dancer
So, The Clone Wars takes place in the three years between EP2 and EP3. just FYI
It's nice to see Anakin actually being the war hero everybody talks about in EP3
I'm going to have to actually watch The Clone Wars series at some point, and Rebels too.
Anakin Skywalker is a genuine BAMF in this. (Bad Ass Mother Fucker)
- Anakin and Ahsoka reach the palace where Baby Jabba is being held.
Wow, B'omarr Order reference. Deep cut, Clone Wars. An Expanded Universe cut at that.
Expanded Universe Name Drops! I knew there was a reason I liked this movie!
Okay, Babby Jabba is totally cute... For a giant slug larva
Somehow they made Christopher Lee look even older than he was in the live action movies
Ventress is dark, menacing, and has a big booty. #OneOfTheseThingsIsNotLikeTheOthers
There is a lot of NECK in these movies, between the Kaminoans and everyone in Clone Wars
Artoo just rolled up a ramp like "Fuck your laws of physics, I'm awesome, deal with it."
Oh NOES! The bad sith lady is gonna kill Babby Jabba? That utter BITCH!
This movie shows the plight of being a a clone. Living, breathing, thinking, DISPOSABLE
It's a minor subplot and doesn't go into a lot of detail, but its a nice touch.
D'AWW Babby Hutt is still cute!
I know I'm crossing nerd streams, but Dooku in clone wars reminds me a LOT of Sarumon.
Yes I know same actor. I'm saying the way he is animated is more Sarumon and less Sith
- The Amidala subplot begins
Wow, Amidala's hair in this movie is somehow even worse than her EP1 hair!
This soundtrack. When did The Blues Brothers invade my Star Wars Movie
- Now back on Tatooine.
Anakin showing real emotion about being back on Tatooine. Also a nice touch.
This movie's attention to detail tickles all my nerd buttons in just the right way
Dark Side approaches. Babby Hutt hides under blanket. I want one!
I like how the Dooku/Anakin fight acts as a prelude to their fight in EP3
The Anakin/Dooku fight is legitimately the best part of the Clone Wars soundtrack.
- Back with Amidala.
Ziro the Hutt. I Didnt think a "1920s flapper" hutt would work, but they tried anyway!
And so ends The Clone Wars. Up next: Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of The Sith
I like having Clone Wars as the fun action romp between the drama heavy EP2 and EP3.
- The opening title card (and musical sting) of Episode III.
Oh yeah, here we are. Back to that Iconic Musical Score we all know and love!
Pump it directly into my ears, Mr Williams!
this opening space battle is epic AND awesome! Totally a good high note to start on
Also, Christensen looks like he could really be young Mark Hamil's father in this movie
- On board the separatist flagship, fighting Dooku.
Welp, Obi Wan's legs are crushed, right? I mean he just had a ton of metal fall on them
Bye, Dooku. You were awesome and you will be missed Also, Palpatine has gotten creepy!
Grievous - "I have you now" Obi Wan - "Oh hell naw" Artoo - *Presses Fuck You Button*
Did grievous just launch a bunch of empty escape pods to cover his own escape? Asshole.
And don't tell me it was all droids on board. Why HAVE pods without live crew?
Did Anakin just land half a cruiser on a civilian runway and survive? That's awesome
- Back on Coruscant.
"Senator Organa" Name-dropping Leia's adoptive parents for the win!
Padme/Anakin kiss like it's been years, also she's pregnant. Anakin assumes it's his?
And here comes the "so in love" dialogue. This would be a tender and sweet moment...
...but it's written so poorly & delivered so awkwardly it becomes laughable. A shame.
Anakin looks so menacing in this movie, even before he turns. Also, Yoda being awesome
Palpatine is awesome. I mean he's evil but he is portrayed so subtly by Ian McDiarmid
And here we go. Asking Anakin to spy on a friend. Here is where Anakin makes his turn.
This is where Anakin gets that sliver of doubt about the ideals of the Jedi Order.
Here lies the problem with the prequels. Anakin's story is a tragedy, It left people...
...dissatisfied that the hero they had been rooting for had fallen so low. Ending on...
...a low note left a bad taste in audiences mouths. I think it tainted the perception...
...of the prequels in general in peoples minds. I'm not defending them, mind.
the prequels are not great films, but I don't believe they are as bad as people remember
In the concert scene, Palpatine is MASTERFUL in his manipulation of Anakin here.
Nurturing Anakin's growing doubts about the Jedi and planting a tiny kernel of hope.
On Kashyyk: Yoda and his Fukken Wookies going to WAR! Am I right!I Kick Ass!
Obi Wan is now on Utapau. man the natives have some messed up teeth.
Also, suddenly Obi wan has a dragon-lizard mount for some reason. Sure, why not?
Obi Wan vs Grievous is awesome. Even the spinning lightsabers like a five year old part
And here come the clones!
Grievous has a giant mono-wheel vehicle... with... feet? For some reason?
- Back on Coruscant with Palpatine and Anakin.
Does anyone else ever get the feeling Lucas is better at writing villains than heroes?
Palpatine revealed himself at exactly the right time. Anakin wavers but the...
...Jedi reaction to this will seal Anakin's downfall. Risky move but perfectly executed
Bye Grievous. You were an asthmatic (for some reason?) mostly-droid and kinda sucked.
The music, while Anakin makes his fateful decision is haunting and dramatic. Excellent
And so are the true colors of Palpatine revealed. His demon scream terrifies me
Mace Windu vs Palpatine. Good fight, but only a prelude to the fight to come.
And Ian Mcdiarmid breaks out the Emperor voice at just the right time. "No Nooo!"
bye Mace Windu, your purple lightsaber was cool, and you were a total BAMF
Palpatine seems to feed on anakin's devotion. The demon voice is back & creepy as hell
- Anakin's attack on the Jedi Temple.
The most chilling part of the film, Anakin attacking children while his eyes turn yellow
Christensen really plays the hell out of his rage taking control of him.
what really gets me, and Anakins subtle facial expressions here bear me out...
...is what can Anakin hate enough to turn so completely to the dark side?
The answer is, of course. Himself.
And thus, do the Jedi fall. The swelling orchestra here really sells the scene
Execute Order 66. Chilling
Yoda ain't having your shit, clones.
As Anakin ignites his saber in front of the kids his eyes VISIBLY lighten towards yellow
- Now with Yoda, leaving Kashyyk.
Chewbacca is awesome, and anyone who says otherwise can fight me IRL
Hey, first appearance of the Tantive IV! next to be seen being captured over tatooine
Watching these films with a good subwoofer really highlights the excellent sound design
Padme? Stand around in your apartment & just react to off screen stuff THIS ENTIRE MOVIE
Anakin slaughters the trade federation. Glad to finally see their comeuppance
Once again, Yoda ain't putting up with your shit, clone troopers. #ThatMuppetIsAwesome
The defeat in Obi Wan's and yoda's voices in the temple is gut-wrenching
- In the senate chamber, Birth of The Empire.
"So this is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause." - Padme Amidala
Obi Wan doesn't want to fight Anakin. Not because he is scared but because he LOVES him
Portman was not given much to work with, but by god she plays the hell out of her scenes
- Now on Mustafar for the final confrontation
And so, blinded by his own self-hatred and rage. Anakin will do the unthinkable
Now it becomes clear that Anakin has retreated inside himself & Vader has taken control
Attacking the very thing you did all this to protect. Anakin you have fallen so far.
I feel for Obi Wan when he screams "You were my brother, Anakin!"
The tears streaking down Anakin's face were the last shreds of his humanity leaking away
So it begins. The duel to end all duels. Vader vs Obi Wan. Not Anakin. Not anymore.
This is the fastest, most frantic saber duel in the saga & it is GLORIOUS
- Cutting back and forth between Yoda/Palpatine & Kenobi/Vader.
What Vader vs Obi Wan has in speed and rage, Yoda vs Palpatine has in skill and banter.
Fun Fact: Yoda's lightsaber is called a Shoto, because it's shorter than a regular blade
The Phantom Menace theme makes a triumphant return as Yoda & Palpatine fight. Excellent
Vader vs Obi Wan has moved to the lava flow. Visually impressive and fun to watch
As the fight falls into the lava, so dies Obi Wan's hope of rescuing Anakin from himself
thus the final speech. Obi wan trying one last, desperate time to save his brother
He fails. As he must. Because this is a tragedy. But Obi Wan loves his brother.
So he fails one last time. He doesn't kill Anakin. Even when it is clear that there is only Vader
And Padme gives birth to her twins. Luke and Leia. As Vader himself is reborn
But the good man that was Anakin Skywalker is dead. And he takes his wife with him.
That chilling moment when the mask is lowered and there is a pause before "The Breath"
And the music grows quiet as Palpatine completes his manipulation. Haunting.
NOOO! - Darth vader, screaming out his self hatred. His downfall & his source of power.
One quick scene, putting the droids in place for EP4. Also, Padme's funeral
And now the ship rockets past with the distinctive Tie Fighter screech
Vader looks out on the new Death Star and the music has tones of the Imperial March
The music transitions to Leia's theme, then Luke’s as each infant is entrusted to parents
And it transitions once more into the main Star Wars Theme for the credits. So GOOD!
And so ends Episode III. Up next is the original trilogy with Episode IV - A New Hope
After witnessing the tragedy that was Anakin Skywalker, we now move to his son.
So begins the journey of Luke Skywalker. Who's rise so mirrored his father's fall
- The Episode IV title card, with the iconic music.
Four times I've heard that opening musical sting today. it never gets old!
Luke will so masterfully rise to goodness that he will pull his father with him.
Back to practical effects, I have to say, I kind of miss the clean CGI of the prequels.
Although the practical effects do lend a more lived-in, dirty feel to the universe
And here is Vader, comfortable in his evil. No trace of the good man he once was
The shot of the escape pod launching from the trailers always gets to me.
is it me or does the guy telling Vader not to hold the princess look like Dick van Dyke?
Remember through all this. Threepio had his memory erased. Artoo did NOT.
Artoo knows everything that has come before and it really colors his motivations.
- Threepio and Artoo have landed on Tatooine and are reunited in the Jawa Sandcrawler.
The jawas. This series was outstandingly creative even 40+ years ago!
Look Sir, Droids! Why did neither droid mention that parts WERE FALLING OFF?
Why doesn't Owen Lars recognize Threepio, whom he grew up with!?
- The Lars family buys Artoo and Threepio.
Artoo being a dick, rotating his dome while Luke tries to clean it
"Help me Obi Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope" Artoo you manipulative bastard!
"Dad, I wanna go to school!" "Ha! You work for ME boy!"
Sand People attack, and threepio's scream is hilarious!
I didn't know Obi Wan could mimic the call of wild beasts!, although it does make sense
Holy SHIT Kenobi! You got OLD!
The Jedi manipulate Luke in this trilogy in the same way the Sith manipulated Anakin
An elegant weapon, for a more civilized age. Classic
I've said it before, but I will repeat it here. Anakin Fulfilled the prophecy.
At the end of Episode 3 there were 2 Jedi (Obi Wan & Yoda) & 2 Sith (Vader & Palpatine)
Anakin brought balance to the force. He left THE GALAXY in darkness, not the force.
- Luke sees the corpses of his Aunt and Uncle.
Charred corpses. Fucked up. Think about it. It took a lot of blaster fire to do that.
Also, Bye Owen and Beru Lars. You were a minor plot point but you were not bad
I'm not going to quote every line from these movies here. Although I could.
Ah the Special Editions. So much random CGI clutter added, reminds me of Harold Zoid
The Cantina scene. Wowing audiences with the wide variety of aliens since 1977!
Pig nose and Balls-for-chin. Being dicks just because. got what's coming to them.
Also there's one dude randomly puffing on a hookah with this spaced out look on his face
Han Solo. 'Nuff said
I'll say it again. Chewbacca is awesome and if you disagree you can fight me IRL
HAN SHOOTS FIRST DAMMIT!
Although, honestly, the shots go off at nearly the same time in the Blu Ray, to be fair.
Han talks to Jabba. Honestly not a bad scene to add to the movie. Fleshes out Han a bit
the Millennium Falcon. Awesome! So Iconic with it's distinctive disc shape
- Now aboard the Death Star with Leia.
Tarkin - Threaten a planet full of innocents then kill them anyway for the hell of it
That's no moon, it's a space station. I know I said no quotes but c'mon!
the score, while iconic, is not as overpowering in EP4 as it was in EP1-3.
The prequels' score could almost tell the story by itself. Such good sound design.
Chewie Han & Luke in one hole. Obi Wan alone in the other. Fuck your comfort I'm a Jedi
Damn those doors close fast. Like crushingly fast! Like you-might-lose-a-toe fast!
Han Solo, scoundrel with a heart of gold. Although the "heart of gold" part comes later
the prison break scene is one of the great Bait and Switch scenes in movie history
Leia has been kind of a doormat in all her scenes so far. Spunky but passive.
But during her rescue, she takes charge and literally gives no fucks
Coming up on the final duel between Vader and Obi Wan. After the magnificent...
...prequel duels, this old-man-twitching-angrily fight is seriously disappointing
the best thing I can say about the garbage monster is that Lucas himself cut most of it
Also, they are on a MASSIVE space station with enough power to destroy planets.
Why do they COMPACT their trash when it would be easier to jettison or incinerate it?
Obi Wan, he's in your base, killing your tractor beams
I like how Obi Wan looks back at the stormtroopers like "You really can't see me, Dafuq?"
Ah Stormtroopers. Missing the broad side of every barn they come across
Ewww Leia kissed luke! Well, they say vice is nice, but Incest is best
And here we are at the flailing old man fight. Yawn
Knowing he is going to die, Obi Wan still tries to redeem his brother. Through his son
Also: Goodbye Obi Wan Kenobi You were legitimately awesome and a great character
- Aboard the Falcon, just before the space battle to escape the death star.
I like how the music goes from sad and contemplative to fast and apprehensive here
Obi Wan just died. But our heroes still have fighting to do. The score reflects that.
Moving into the combat score for the actual fight...
...& having a few moments of silence afterward so the audience can think about Obi Wan.
And we're on Yavin Four. Here the movie takes some time to explain the upcoming fight.
Fun Fact: The Trench Run scene is copied almost shot for shot from old WWII movies
Luke - "Help us fight the empire!" Han - "Fuck that, we out!"
Chewie - "Hrooowaaarrrrmmf"
We meet Biggs Darklighter! Friend of Luke & much better fleshed out in the Radio Dramas.
And the music starts to kick in again as we launch for the final battle.
There really is a feel of Do or Die here. They are standing up to the death star.
It's success or destruction, and everyone knows it. Cutting back to the control room...
...periodically, where everyone looks worried, lends weight to the proceedings.
Also, bye biggs. You were really awesome everywhere BUT this film
Wedge Antilles. The best pilot in the galaxy (according to the Expanded Universe)
Fun Fact - Vader is flying a Tie Advanced Prototype. Precursor to the Tie Interceptor.
Biggs, Wedge and Luke fly into the trench together. They were all childhood friends.
Okay, NOW biggs dies.. bye biggs
Here we go, the final push. This is it. Luke does it or it doesn't get done!
Use the Force, Luke!
bye Artoo, you'll be back next movie
YAH HOO! You're all clear kid, now let's blow this thing and go home! Han Solo FTW
Aaaaand... Boom goes the Death Star!
- Landing back on Yavin 4.
Artoo dun got FUCKED up!
And the final award ceremony. Where the hell is Chewies medal? Such a great film!
Like her mother, Leia prefers white outfits that show off her.. Wonderful Braveries
And thus end Episode IV. Next Up is Star Wars Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
Moving on to Empire. What many consider the best of the Star Wars films.
Don't get me wrong, I like Empire too. But my go-to film is A New Hope.
Ah Empire. The Sequel they didn't know they were going to get. Still good, though
I like how it mirrors the opening of EP4 with a Star Destroyer, in space.
EP4 has the empire flying away from us. As we leave the last of the old republic behind
We get invested in the rebellion throughout the movie, then the opening of EP5 has...
...a Star Destroyer coming right at the audience, as if the empire is Chasing US down
Fun fact - The Wampa scene was added because Hamill was in a car accident and got a scar
The Wampa looks like the bumble from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
"Fuck your preconceived notions of death, I'm Obi Wan Kenobi, bitch!" - obi Wan's ghost
just so we understand. Han and Luke had to cuddle naked for warmth all night, right?
- Back in Hoth base, in the medical wing.
Here comes Incest's Kiss number Two. Incest's Kiss would be a great name for a rock band
Here comes the Empire and Vader. Showin' off their ships in a display of force.
The back of Vaders head is still all burned and stuff. Haunting when you remember Anakin
the calm before the storm on Hoth is great, it lends weight to the upcoming Battle
And now we see the slow, seemingly unstoppable AT-AT walkers in action
fun Fact - AT-AT stands for All Terrain Attack Transports
bye bye, Dack. You only had three lines but I liked you anyway.
Wow, it occurs to me that riding behind Luke is NOT a safe place to be in star wars
Okay, Luke killing an AT-AT with his lightsaber is certifiably BAMF territory
And the escape into the asteroid field, leading to the boring stretch of the movie.
Luke makes it to Dagobah. Following what must seem like a wild goose trail
Hey there, tiny muppet. The ghost of this guy I didn't know all that well told me to...
...You know? it sounds REALLY bad when I say it out loud like that. "You seek Yoda"
Yoda is still awesome. in all six of his movies he absolutely steals the show.
"Fuck your asteroids, we're the empire. If rocks killed you you weren't worthy"
Wow. Watching Vader find out his son is still alive is chilling,..
...when you realize he is pleading with Palpatine for the chance to not kill him.
Yoda - "I cannot teach him" Ghost of Obi - "C'mon" Luke - "Wait you mean I'm NOT crazy?"
Why would Yoda tell Luke he "will be" afraid? Doesn't fear lead to anger and all that?
Mynocks. Space bat/flea/parasite things? Sure, why not.
And now we have a giant space monster worm that eats passing... Vacuum? Starlight?
Back to Luke's Jedi training. Not a bad montage really, even if it isn't set to music.
Sudden, inexplicable domain of evil on the abandoned jungle planet... Sure, why not...
OH SHIT, VADER OUT OF NOWHERE!
Huh, that was easy. Wait, is that ME in the helmet? Did I take some shrooms?
- Aboard Vaders ship with the bounty hunters.
Is that the monster from V?
Hey look, its Boba Fett, all grown up and ready to fight!
Yoda, 900 years old and a muppet, still schooling Jedi like it ain't no thing.
"I don't believe it" "That is why you fail" Epic lines delivered with an amazing score
Is Vader gonna have to choke a bitc.... Yes? Okay then
Han Solo. Balls so big they have their own gravitational pull I love this guy!
Luke is finally doing some Jedi stuff, and it gets interrupted by pesky visions.
- The Falcon arrives at cloud city.
Lando Calrissian: Billy Dee Williams at his Billy-Dee-Williams-est!
Random DNA spiral decoration in Han and Leia's room in Cloud City. Why, again?
Poor Threepio dun got FUCKED up!
I love how the door opens and Vader is there. Han wastes no time, just draws and fires
This time, Han DID shoot first, dammit!
That torture chair DOES look really menacing.
Did anyone else notice that Threepio went all Crash Test Dummy when he got shot?
And now the famous "I love you" "I know" scene. Such a good note for Han to go out on.
Wait, Han's hands are tied but when he gets frozen his hands are separated and up.
Ladies and Gentlemen? We have a Han-cicle!
Lando! Curse your sudden and inevitable um... Triple-Cross?
Vader vs Luke, Not bad, but the choreography gets overshadowed by the twist at the end
Deuces, Han See you next film!
Right here, just before he learns of his parentage, Luke is at his most vulnerable.
And Vader tries to convert him. But it's kinda half hearted...
Vader tells luke about their relationship as a cry for help. Anakin shining through.
An Anakin everyone thought long dead, especially himself.
It is this bit of Anakin that convinces Luke more than anything he can SAVE vader,
Bye bye, Lukes hand! you will be used to make a clone later (in the Expanded Universe)
And Luke in turmoil and pain, falls. And is LITERALLY hanging on by a thread...
...He is saved by family after his fall. Foreshadowing his eventual rescue of Anakin.
And after everything goes wrong, does Luke give up? No. he is determined to be a hero
"Did they just go to lightspeed? Oh Somebody is getting CHOKED up in here" - Vader
Also, why THE HELL is Lando wearing Han's clothes in this ending scene? Dafuq?
And so ends Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back. Up next is the last of the Lucas films
Now begins Star Wars Episode VI - Return of The Jedi. Last of the original trilogy.
Once again, we open on the Empire, Flying away from us but TOWARDS a new Death Star
A nicely ambiguous opening. Is the Empire going win or lose this time? Who knows.
We know things can't get much worse for our heroes. At least until we get to Jabba's
Jedi is awesome, The gloomy atmosphere of Jabba's palace sets a nice, menacing tone.
At least until the freaking Musical Number breaks out. That even I cannot defend.
Why would there be a droid torture chamber? Can droids experience pain?
Why would you program a droid to feel pain. Seems like an intentional design flaw
Now we have Star Wars "Jazz Club Emo Peter Parker" moment. A true low point of the saga
My god that bounty hunter has some massive balls! To threaten Jabba like that!
That bounty hunter was Leia all along? AWESOME!. Imagine not knowing this in advance
I never noticed this before, but Luke just Force Choked his way into Jabba's Palace.
And here we go putting Leia in her most famous costume.
The Slave Leia costume really shows off her wonderful, perky bravery Both of them!
Luke vs The Rancor is awesome, helped along by the great fight music from the score
Bye rancor. I told you two movies ago that these super fast doors were dangerous.
Artoo serving drinks like a boss.
I wonder if the irony is lost on Jabba? That the son of the man who saved HIS son...
...Is going to be the instrument by which said huttlett becomes an Orphan.
Bye Boba Fett. Badass through and through and still beaten by a blind man with a stick
And yes, I know Fett survives in the E.U.
Also, Goodbye Jabba the Hutt. Your awesomeness was only matched by your corpulence
Being choked out by slave Leia is in my top 5 ways to die. Admit it, it's in yours too.
Welcome back Palpatine. I see you are just as creepy and manipulative as ever.
I get the feeling during this scene that Vader is hiding some secret Anakinlike thoughts
- Back on Dagobah.
And now we reach the death of Yoda. Prequel stars are dropping like flies in this movie
Yoda, preaching to fools until his dying breath. So badass
Luke sees the manipulation of the Jedi, but he rises above it...
...to become an even GREATER force of good. The mirror of his Fathers fall from goodness
Ghost Obi Wan out of nowhere! Because exposition is needed & Obi Wan Don't Give A Fuck!
Rebel fleet is massing! Mon Mothma is up to some SHIT!
R.I.P. Bothans. You died for a good cause.
Wait, Han is letting Lando fly the Falcon? Is that the culmination of his Arc? Kinda.
Han has one more bit where he thinks Leia is in love with Luke later But his arc is done
Nothing left for Han but some Badassery. And he has that in spades.
I love the Open Pit design of imperial bridges. Very Empire. You fell? Fuck you!
Ah the forest moon. Home of the Ewoks. Badass, murdering, terrifying little teddy bears
Why are the Ewoks terrifying? Let me point you to a video. https://t.co/JaeWTIhgOf
The Speeder Chase. It's like podracing but with guns and laser swords. So awesome!
I kid, but the Podrace from EP1 really IS a homage to the Speeder Chase from EP6
Hey! Warwick Davis is back! This time as Wickett the Ewok!
Wickett you are WEARING A HAT! Why does Leia removing hers scare you?
"Fuck your armor your backup & your guns, I've got a stick & a teddy bear" - Leia Organa
Chewbacca is awesome, even if he does get everybody captured by the most OBVIOUS TRAP
Of course the primitive teddy bears are gonna worship C-3P0. He's a literal Golden Idol
The ewoks eat people. And Leia now has a normal human sized dress to wear...
Leia is wearing the dress of a dead woman. maybe someone she ate parts of at breakfast
D'AWWWWW!!!! BABBY TEDDY BEARS!!!!!
Notice that Threepio is telling an abridged version of the last two movies to the Ewoks
Wait, Leia can remember her mother? that doesn't fit, that doesn't fit at ALL!!!
Luke - "I gotta face Vader, he's my pops" Leia - "Why?" Luke - "B.T.Dubs: We twins"
How messed is this for Leia? Yo, Vader, the guy who tortured you twice? He's you dad.
Luke turns himself in, knowing that either He & Anakin walk out, or neither of them do.
Luke can sense the last shred of the good man Anakin used to be.
Rebel Fleet is massed and ready to bust some imperial heads. Awesome prelude to battle
The music, which has been somber and slow, now turns hopeful and upbeat. Amazing
And thus does the final battle begin. Rebels vs Empire. Luke vs Vader. ANAKIN vs Vader
Here Palpatine makes a mistake. So arrogant is he that he cannot fathom Luke not turning
Luke is not there to kill Palpatine. He is there to save Anakin. Which nobody expects.
It's a TRAP!!!
Here comes the final ground battle. "Fuck your armored battalions, We got teddy bears!"
Even with everything going wrong, Luke does not give in to his anger. not fully.
he snaps & attacks the emperor but Vader intervenes. Luke will use this to reach Anakin
The battle of this trilogy isn’t just about freedom It is the battle for a good mans soul
In the battle for Anakins soul, Luke will succeed where his father failed. Because he...
...Can still sense the good in Anakin. Something Anakin had lost the ability to do
Ewoks, man. After watching them slaughter my friends I'd surrender too!
Vader finally pulls enough strings to get luke to attack. Because there is enough...
...self-loathing that all Anakin wants to do is pay for his crimes. Luke Rises above.
It is Luke in danger. Luke being tortured that finally snaps Anakin back into control.
And for one, brief moment. We see the good man Anakin Skywalker used to be.
And thus is the journey of Anakin Skywalker complete. We have watched him...
...all his life, growing from a young boy to a powerful man. His fall into darkness...
& his climb back into light, Star Wars at its core is about the redemptive power of love
And so the empire is defeated for good. Thus ends Episode VI of the star wars saga.
Up next is Star Wars Episode VII - The Force Awakens. A worthy successor to the title.
My live tweeting of EP7 will probably not be as extensive as the first seven films.
I've been doing this for 16 hours at this point, and I am not as familiar with this one
One last thing about jedi. I am glad they used Christensen for Anakins ghost at the end
It really ties the trilogies together to have the Anakin WE know & love back in the end
- The title card of Episode VII.
One last time today, that Musical sting sends a chill down my spine!
After the opening text crawl, The scene pans down (as is tradition) to a blue planet.
Instead of a Ship flying towards or away from us, it eclipses the planet. Ominous
- On the surface of Jakku.
I don't know who this guy is, but he's awesome. (he's Po Dameron)
My god that shuttle has a needlessly massive wingspan!
Not-Darth-Vader here is Kylo Ren. Awesome as hell (even if he is a whiny child)
This is the first time I have opened my copy of EP7. I have waited for today!
Cut from panic-attack-trooper to... Guardians of the galaxy?
Wait no, it's just some woman. Tell me that wouldn't be awesome though!
Disney owns both Star Wars and Marvel now, so its possible for a MCU/SW crossover
I mean, it's not going to happen. I'm not sure I even want it to. But it would be cool
Dickish alien pit boss kinda looks like an actual dick. Am I the only one who noticed?
I've seen this movie before. So I know it is basically an EP4 remake. I'm okay with that
BB8 is amazingly cute. But how aren't his insides just FILLED with sand by now?
Also, don't think for a second I didn't get the BB (as in spherical pellet) reference
Or that BB8 kinda looks like Boob spelled in Calculator, Also, he kinda resembles a Boob
- Escaping the first order in a tie fighter.
This Tie Fighter escape is awesome! Po and Finn, best buds forever!
Po and Fin, best buds forever? Po? Well, SHIT! Apparently this is Game of Star Wars
- Fin drinking water from a trough after crashing on Jakku.
that thing is ALL NOSE! Holy crap! And speaking of crap, it's got a giant ass as well!
Crazy lady with stick chases me, I would run too!
Awww! Sad BB8 is so adorably sad!
"That one's garbage" Points to Millennium Falcon
Literal dickhead got his stolen ship stolen. This Falcon escape sequence is pretty cool
okay, random grappling hooks like spider man? BB8 is okay in my book
Great shot kid, that was one in a million!
Okay, Fin and Rey, best buds forever!
- Back aboard the First Order Star Destroyer.
Claymore lightsaber is cool. Less so in the hands of such a petulant, fucking brat!
- Back on The Falcon with Fin and Rey.
OH MY GOD! Blowtorch thumbs up is the best thing ever!
Enter Han and Chewie. My GOD Han is old.
That smile as Han enters the cockpit of the Falcon. Perfect.
I realize I'm geeking out. Star Wars is awesome and I’ve been immersed in it all day.
this Bala Tik guy is so Irish (or maybe Scottish?) it hurts.
Ha, Fin grabbed the remote Luke practiced against!
- Quick aside so Kylo Ren can report to his master.
Who is this Gollum looking Not-Palpatine? I don't know if I like this character or not.
Also, Kylo Ren is Han Solo's kid. Way to bury the lead there not at all, Star Wars
- The Falcon lands at Mas Kenadas Place.
Star Wars loves its scenery! not that I'm complaining!
And so we come to Not Mos Eisley. This whole movie is great.
So far there is nothing in this movie I do not like. Except maybe Snoke (Not-Palpatine)
Even if I hadn't seen this before, I wouldn't believe Fin would abandon his friends.
Like everyone else I expected Fin to have latent force powers and Rey to be the princess
I was wrong. And the movie is much better for it, I think.
- On Starkiller base. The Speech scene.
Wow, first order. That speech. Hitler much? That is not subtle at all!
Did the 1st order just Destroy Coruscant or Corellia? I don't think it is ever explained
Damn Han Solo is such a BAMF! Stormtroopers are old hat for him!
Admit it, you got chills when the X-wings showed up. Also PO! YAAAAAAAY!
Po & Fin & Rey best buds Foreverandever!
Also also, Po Dameron? that dude is one hell of a pilot!
Apparently, Kylo Ren is a wizard, not just a sith, then again so was Jacen Solo
- In the secret rebel base.
Hey there, Leia! You're looking old but awesome as usual!
If you get my Jacen Solo reference, you understand why I am upset at EP7 more than I-III
Po & Fin Best Friends Forever!
Okay, apparently the first order destroyed the Hosnian System not a planet we know
Also, hey there, Artoo. So, you're in a coma, huh? that's not gonna last long is it.
My GOD Kylo Ren has MASSIVE lips. It's just distracting. No wonder he wears a mask.
The music in this movie is subtle. Not the powerful undercurrent like in the Prequels.
The music is subtle & effective. EP7 doesn't need the score to spackle the plot like EP1
The buildup to the final battle is totally stirring. This movie is AWESOME!
We all know what happens in the end, but Han and Leia deserve to be together.
Well, I guess that's one way to land the Falcon. Skip it across the ground like a stone
This ginger hitler guy scares the shit outta me. I have no problems admitting that.
Han - "Is there a garbage chute? A trash compactor?" Fin - "Yeah there is!" Awesome!
D'AWWW Rey & Fin best buddies forever!
I'll say it once more. Chewie is awesome and anyone who disagrees can come fight me IRL
Kylo's real name is Ben. Ben Solo. Named after Obi Wan Kenobi.
This part makes me cry.
Goodbye Han Solo. You were awesome and amazing and completely badass. R.I.P.
The death of Han Solo is followed by Chewbacca flying into an honest to god Battle Rage
Final battle. Kylo Ren vs Fin and Rey. Kick his ass, FIN!
Well, Damn! Fin is down!! C'mon Rey It. Is. Your. DESTINY!
Final trench run, check!
Oscillator down! Gat DAMN Po Dameron is awesome!
YEAH REY! KICK HIS ASS!
Mother. Fucking. FACE! WOO! Also, convenient plot chasm is convenient
We all know Fin isn't dead. But Chewbacca-Ex-machina is still awesome as hell!
Woop! No more Starkiller Base! But now the bad news needs to be delivered to Leia
Fun fact - in the original draft for Luke Skywalker. he was going to be Luke Starkiller
- In the resistance base, medical wing.
Fin and Rey, Best Buds Forever, right? Where you goin' Rey? Rey?!
And so, as this saga draws to a close, we see one final glimpse of Luke Skywalker.
it's been a great day. & I am SUPER excited to see where Star Wars goes in the future!
Thus Ends Star Wars Episode VII - The Force Awakens Hopeful for the future.
Star Wars is a cornerstone of our culture & it totally deserves its place in history.
Goodnight, my friends. And May The Force Be With You.
- - - - -
I think that says it all, really. Until next time, lovelies!
