Hats

     HAPPY NEW YEAR!  I hope this year has been good, or at least tolerable, and I hope each and every one of you has a better year in 2014 than you did in 2013!  Really, I want you all to be happy.

     I know I promised you a doozy of an update today, but that's gonna have to wait until tomorrow, because I'm still waiting on some stuff.  So, in honor of the holiday, I'm going to tell you one of the funniest stories I have.  (Names have been changed to protect the guilty.)

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     So, I was 18 years old and dating this girl who is SUPER into Jesus.  I mean she's one of these on-fire-for-the-lord, speaking-in-tongues, church-four-days-a-week, hardCORE Christians.

     But she was REALLY hot!

     So I, like the stupid kid I was, was desperate to impress her.  I started attending her church and even her youth group.  I wound up pretty much running the youth group because the organizers are woefully inept at the task.  I even organized the churches first softball team for e local county league.  I'm actually pretty proud of that one.

     Sunday before the very first game (scheduled for the following saturday), the head pastor pulls me aside and asks whet he can do to help the team.  I inform him that we have t-shirts as uniforms, but we don't have any hats.  He tells me he will take care of it.

     Saturday comes around and the pastor (a really nice dude for a hardcore conservative Christian) rolls up with three boxes full of hats that he paid for out of pocket.  He is obviously very proud, and starts handing them out.

     172 red and blue hats with white lettering, enough for every player on the team and a bunch left over for the fans and supporters.

     The opposing team is currently laughing their collective balls off, over on their side of the field, I wonder why until I take a closer look at the hats.  I can't help it, I double over laughing right there.  Tears streaming down my face and gasping for air.  The pastor is genuinely confused as to what's up, I have to regain control of myself and explain it to him.

     The name of the church?  "Family Altar of God"

     One Hundred and Seventy Two brand new hats, blue brims, red caps, and big white lettering.

     Each.  And.  Every.  One of them spells:

     F A G

     I don't remember if we won or lost, but the girl broke up with me because I laughed for the whole game.

     Totally Worth It.

     My only regret is that I wish I had thought to keep one of the hats!

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     Anyway, happy new year, everybody!  See you tomorrow!