Pawn-sitive Thinking

     I'm a big believer in Karma. The idea that what you put out into the universe is the same as what the universe gives back to you. I believe that is the very bedrock how the world works. I believe that humans, when given no other information, will default to a state of kindness to each other. I believe that things like prejudice, racism, discrimination, and spite aren't intrinsic to our beings. I believe they are learned.

     I have to believe such, because otherwise I wouldn't have the strength to roll out of bed each and every misery-soaked morning.

     I have been sick for several years. A neurological disorder has robbed me of some of the prime years of my life, keeping me in a state of constant pain and weakness, leaving me barely able to walk (with a cane) and with very little muscle control (due to the shaking). I am on disability because I am unable to work, but disability is a poor substitute for an actual job with an actual paycheck.

     I was planning on going through my whole story at this point. Recounting the long sad tale of my illness and continuing money struggles. But I realized as I was typing it that I didn't want to be such a whiny little bitch. I'll just summarize a bit here: I was sick and suffering until I decided not to suffer anymore. I'm still sick, I still hurt, and I still have trouble with basic motor skills, but I made a decision not to suffer anymore. I got back into school, I started writing again, I rekindled some lapsed friendships, and I recommitted myself to my family. I decided, in short, that the only way to not be sick (and thereby improve my life) was to pretend to not be sick.

     But good intentions don't pay the bills. I wont go into details here with a sob story, but suffice it to say, I'm so bloody poor I can't even afford to pay respects at a funeral. My original idea for this post was to vent at you all and whine about how life has been consistently shitting on me for years, and it shows very little signs of stopping. But I'm not. I'm just going to make an announcement and I'm going to fuck off until tomorrow, when maybe I wont be so depressed.

     Long story short, I am making a minor (behind the scenes) change to this creative challenge. I am still more than willing to write something every day, and I have no intention of stopping the updates. But, due to the previously mentioned financial struggles, I am going to have to pawn my laptop for a while. Having a computer for school is useless if I don't have the gas to drive back and forth. I will get the laptop back when I get paid in a week or so, but until then I will have to update from my home PC (when it works), the school computers, or (failing everything else) my phone. Which means there may be some shifts in formatting.

     See, no real change for you other than this blog wont be quite as pretty as before. Just thought I'd let you know.

     - Magicpokey