Now is the morning of my discontent.

     Just FYI, I have been getting up before the sun every day for the last few months.  Those of you who know me will understand how uncharacteristic this is for me.  I'm normally a night owl, more likely to stay up until 5:30 than set my alarm that early, but being a grown up has it's fair share of responsibilities.  You see, I am responsible for getting my five-year-old daughter, Piper, ready for school in the morning.  I have to make sure she is awake, dressed, fed, medicated, packed, and presentable for school all before her bus comes.  At 7:00 am.

     That's right.  Piper's school bus, a bus for children aged 5-9, arrives at my driveway at 7:00 am.  In The Morning.  I don't mind telling you that it's hell.

     Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE spending alone time with Piper in the mornings!  It has become our special time together, especially since I'm not usually home from school myself until she is getting ready for bed.  But I can't deny that I HATE HATE HATE having to get up that early.  I've had a headache for the last six weeks that won't go away no matter what I do.

     So, with that in mind, let me present an idea I've had bouncing around my head for the last few weeks:

Let's Outlaw Mornings!

     Now, hear me out. I understand that there are 'morning people' out there, who function better when they get up early.  These people are wrong.   And should be punished for setting a bad example.  You see, the human body wasn't meant to rise before the sun.  It was meant to rise when the warmth of the day was sufficient to energize the body, making hunting for breakfast easier because the animals would just be settling down for a midday nap when a hungry Homo-Sleepinicus comes around looking for whatever the cave man equivalent of the Breakfast Sampler is.

    Now, you may be wondering about all those early morning activities that must be done.  You know, delivering newspapers, staffing hospitals, making coffee at gas stations around the world, the important stuff. Well fear not, dear reader!  My plan has you covered!  Let's just shift the workday forward by three hours! Making the lazy sods who man the night shift have to take over the sunrise activities before they knock off for a good days rest!  It's perfect!

     Schools would also be improved!  If we sent kids to school from 11-6 (instead of 8-3) they would come home just in time for dinner!  This would limit their outdoor (meaning unsupervised) activity and therefore limit illicit activity.  According to a study published by the I-Just-Made-This-Up Research Center, Hair Care, and Tire Emporium:  Most of the delinquent activity engaged in by American children takes place between the hours of 3:30 and 5:30.  After school but before settling in at home for the night.  If we push the workday back by a mere three hours, we can eliminate this "Crime Window" entirely!

     So Join Me, fellow citizens of the Internet!  Together we can end the scourge of early mornings once and for all!  And maybe then, I can get a decent night's sleep!