Prepare for Ludicrous Speed!

     Really short one today, lovelies.  It's been a helluva long day and I have to be up early tomorrow to register for classes.  The good news?  I got a helmet for my new moped (which I'm calling 'Gertrude', not really sure why, but go with it).  I spent more than I planned but I got a helmet that fits.  I wanted a full face helmet, but none of the full face helmets I could find (after several days of shopping) would fit on my apparently massive head.

     So, today I finally bit the bullet and went to the local Harley Davidson dealership where they fitted me for a helmet.  

     Now, let me break here to explain something.  You can buy D.O.T. approved motorcycle helmets from most department stores, heck even Wal-Mart carries them, and the vast (and I mean VAST) majority of people buy either Medium or Large.  They carry a few Extra-Larges, for the big-headed individual, but nobody ever really has anything larger than that.  So I looked and looked.  Squeezing my cabesamelon into helmet after helmet, never finding one that actually fit on my gigantic head.  I even found some XXL sized ones at an outlet store, no dice.

     So, I walk into the Harley store and ask for a helmet, explaining that nothing in any of the other stores fit right.  The nice lady gets out her tape measure and has to measure my head four times before she will believe it.  She called her manager over and everything and HE had to measure my head.  Apparently, I had the biggest melon they had EVER seen.  Not just in that store, in THE ENTIRE REGION!

     Anyway, they went in the back and rummaged around for a while before finally emerging with the biggest helmet they had, a 3/4 shiny black helmet with a snap on face shield.  I tried it on and wonder of wonders, it fit!  It was miraculous!  It doesn't hurt my ears, it doesn't pinch my jaw, it fits snugly but not too tight, and it doesn't even squeeze my forehead too tightly.  This helmet is perfect!  There's only one problem.

     It's a 4XL.

     An Extra-Extra-Extra-Extra-Large motorcycle helmet.

     I may be safe and comfortable, but by GOD do I look dumb.

     Here I am, big ass me, with this big ass helmet, on this teeny-tiny little scooter.

     I look like a shriner.

     The one redeeming factor about this helmet, is I can quote 'Spaceballs' all day in it, because I look like one of Dark Helmet's Ping Pong's (Parody versions of Stormtroopers).

     But.  At least I'm safe.  It doesn't really matter what I look like as long as I am safe.

     Until tomorrow, lovelies!

     

     P.S.- No, I'm not going to tell you how much the helmet cost.  It is a Harley Davidson brand helmet bought from a Harley Davidson showroom.  It cost too fucking much is what it cost.

     P.P.S.- If you haven't heard of or seen 'Spaceballs' yet, you need to correct that.  It's an 80s era Mel Brooks movie (when he was at the height of his comedy genius) and it's his big sci-fi (meaning Star Wars/Trek) parody film.  I not going to spoil it because half of the hilarity is just seeing where it will go next, but it's really, REALLY funny.  It's on Netflix and Hulu plus, it's on blu-ray, and the DVD is probably in your local $5 bin at Wal-Mart.  Go out and WATCH.  THIS.  MOVIE!

     HAIL SCROOB!