Vroom! Vrooooom!

     I bought a vehicle today.  I know, I thought I was poor too, but I actually saved up enough money and bought myself a vehicle to drive back and forth to school/work/blowjob practice whatever.  I spent $500 on a vehicle that is equal parts awesome and lame.

     That's right, lovelies.  I have joined the illustrious ranks of the Moped drivers.  You know, a moped.  Those colorful baby-motorcycles you see putting along on the side of the road at 35 miles an hour.  Sometimes called a "Liquor-Cycle" or "Scooter", mopeds are a fast growing market for those in the know.

     True, there are some people who drive a moped because they lost their license (usually to a D.U.I., here the name 'Liquor-Cycle').  But I can assure you that I am not one of those people.  One- On the rare occasion that I drink, I do it at home.  Two- I'm not dumb enough to try to operate anything heavier than a tv remote when I've been drinking.  And Three- I can assure you, my drivers license is right where it's supposed to be, in my wallet.

     You see, I got a moped to save money.  I'll explain how in handy list form!

     Rumor - Mopeds are lame.

     Status - Mostly False.  Mopeds are considered lame because they don't go very fast, and because of the afore mentioned "liquor-cycle" moniker, but more and more people are driving them in the main stream for good reasons, making mopeds come around to cool again!

     Rumor - Mopeds get REALLY good gas mileage.

     Status - Absolutely true.  The moped I purchased gets somewhere north of 100miles to the gallon.  Imagine how happy you would be if your car got a hundred mpg.  Exactly.

     Rumor - Mopeds are just baby's-first-motorcycle.

     Status - Unfortunately true.  You see, a moped is a cheaper, slower motorcycle.  In fact, the DMV where I live lists anything above 50cc AS a motorcycle, requiring tags, insurance, and a motorcycle license.  But, mopeds are very popular because they are so inexpensive.  Which leads us to...

     Rumor - Mopeds are cheap.

     Status - True.  I paid a little under $500 for my moped.  It's reliable, it gets great gas mileage, it's pretty simple to maintain, and it doesn't require insurance.  I estimate that this moped will save me north of a hundred dollars a month in gas and insurance bills.

     And finally:

     Rumor - You can't pick up chicks on a moped.

     Status - Provably false.  I will have you know, that I took a woman to my home after meeting her and going for a drive, on my old moped, years ago.  That woman is now my beautiful wife and the mother of my perfect daughter.

     This moped will drive for longer than your car, cost MUCH less to fill up, and doesn't require costly insurance.  I'm going to save so much money that maybe, by the time I graduate, I can give this moped to my kid and get myself what I really want:  A Harley Davidson.

     Vroom!  Vroooooom!

     Goodnight, lovelies!